New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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