sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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