so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
