I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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