i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
