That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
