every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
