alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
did you just send me my own nude
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
