Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
