Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How external is "for external use only"?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
