Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drunk is not a location!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
