i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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