I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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