And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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