Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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