were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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