If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
