My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
