No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
3pm strippers are depressing
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had sex on a roof
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
