My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
