i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
