Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
