It's like God shit irony all over that family
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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