Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
