You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
