Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
