I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
