This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
