I cockslap morals
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you. Go after that dick
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