I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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