if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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