I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
