I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
