I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
