Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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