My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
