So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
