new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
