what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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