you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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