Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
