So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize