The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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