He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize