The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
