Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
