I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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