Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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