i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ttyl tear gas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
