before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
