How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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