well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
as a side note pls kill me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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