I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
