Can Purell be used as lube?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
