my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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