Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
