what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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