yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
