it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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