why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
