I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
