we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
