put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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