Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
