I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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