covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
